Chris Curtis dot Org

No, I’m not talking about Saddam Hussein.  I’m talking about a far more rogue villain: site reader, Greg Ferrell.

On his way home from Eastern Kentucky, he tried to rob a house and rightly got shot at by an old man who not only had good mental faculties, but also had every right to own firearms.  Greg was dumb enough to attempt this while his girlfriend was riding with him, so she now also has the criminal disease.  It’s only thanks to the heroics of two pure-bred corn-fed Americans in a small farmhouse that this foul soul was apprehended.  Go them!

If the sarcasm has not dripped in a six foot slime trail from my mouth to the floor, read on for what really happened, and an enforcing reason why my trip to New Zealand enlightened me to an unimaginable extreme that most people in this country, specifically those that have never travelled, really have themselves fooled thinking it’s the best place in the world, to which all things should be modeled.  Even if you don’t agree with my cynicism, it’s an interesting story, and all too common.  Hope it doesn’t get Fark’d and jack your site, Chris.

Chat transcript:

Greg: crap
Me: wha?
Greg: ive got a story fo you
Me: uh, ok
Greg: what buisiness?
Me: videography
Me: didn’t we yap about it?
Greg: you said you had qan idea but not much more than that
Me: ah ok
Me: well, it’s very raw, so let’s skip to your story first
Greg: (check out adobes website about encore dvd)
Greg: ok
Me: I have.  Not impressed.
Greg: so, jimmie and i were in eastern ky visiting a friend of here
Greg: ]hers
Greg: and on the way back
Me: ok
Greg: we had a flat, so we stooppied in this littoe house on aside sdtreet that had some light
Me: ...ok
Greg: some old man stepped out and i said were just chainging a flat well be gone soon, he said ok and went it
Me: I hate this old man already.
Greg: in that is
Greg: well i couldnt change it becuase the ground was wet, so i back into the side street right next to his house and tried to change it there
Greg: no luck still, at this point it had een like 40 min
Me: (fwiw, Encore is about 1 version behind DVD Studio Pro, and $50 pricier)
Greg: then th old man steps out and says “youve been herer to loing, you need to leave
Me: riiiight
Me: I’ll just get back in and drive on my /wheel/
Greg: i say, uh i cant my tires flat, he says “ i dont care you dont need to stay herre another minute get out of my drive
Me: god I love America
Greg: so i look at jimmie and i begin to lower the car
Me: I would have let the guy call the cops
Greg: the man gois in and comes back otu with a gun and aid i say please im trying to get it down
Greg: he says"if you dont get out now im going to blow your brains out, so i get jimmie in the car and i start it and back off the jack
Me: geebus
Greg: he shot once as soon as i got into the car
Me: ...
Greg: well she dialed 911
Me: LOVE America, again.
Greg: and i got stuck in the ditch and couldnt move and the old man came off his porch and shot again, so then i grab here and we run into a feild
Greg: running away and her cell phone gets 911
Greg: but they can understand where we are, and the old man shoots like three more times
Me: “Hi, police?  Follow the friggin’ gun shots at the old man’s house.”
Greg: so i scream into thephone i cant calm down hes shooting! and we get to this littel farm house down the feild
Greg: and they let us in, and they called the old mans son, tyhough i thought they called the cops
Greg: and when i foud otu they didnt call the cops i said “ i9m calling the police!”
Me: no kidding
Greg: then the lady say’s no your not, not from this house
Me: WHAT?
Me: did THEY get guns out too?
Greg: yeah, she wouldnt let me call the cops
Greg: no
Me: geebus
Greg: well the old man called the cops and said we were thieves
Me: ok, well, you’re home so I know you don’t die in this story…
Greg: and the 911 call was recored and cops came for us too so like 5 troppers showed up
Greg: troopers
Greg: and they took his gun
Me: *please don’t be hicks*
Me: good
Me: did they shoot him in the kneecaps?
Greg: and the troopers were like well he was scared yadaa ydaa
Me: the Bible’s fuzzy as to whether or not that’s actually wrong
Greg: this is a misunderstanding
Greg: well
Greg: (yeah they should have hung his ass)
Me: misunderstanding my boot
Greg: yeah
Me: sue him, bro
Greg: well he had talkedf to the old man firest
Greg: THEN he talked to us
Me: of course
Greg: well he talked to the old man again and the old man said i told him to shut up and get into the house
Me: riiight
Greg: i did no such thing and the trooper knew i didnt
Me: did they go LOOK at your broken car?
Greg: well the old man says, that if he had had a good when i said that, he would have killed me right there
Me: arrested then?
Me: please?
Me: or punched?
Greg: (yeah it was obvious i had a flat, they saw it imeeadiatly)
Greg: no, but they opened a cas eon him so now the county is taking him to court
Me: good
Me: you should too
Greg: were going to see what happens
Me: $4000 for emotional trauma + damages to your vehicle
Greg: my truck wanst hurt
Me: tow it?
Greg: yeah
Me: see?  he should pay for that
Greg: but i was going to call a truck anyhow, my jack wasnt working
Me: $4k is the max
Greg: yeah, im going jorb hunintg tomoorow
Me: for non-criminal suits like that
Me: yeah that’s good too
Greg: well, i dont want to pay a lawyer for all thant
Me: but the $4k could help
Me: you don’t have to, dude
Me: that’s small claims crap
Greg: i want this guyu to get something on his record
Me: Judge Judy the hick old man
Me: criminal and civil are different offenses.  He can be tried both ways.
Greg: yeah
Greg: like i said, well see what happens

Posted Monday December 15, 2003 in Real Life by Derek Jones

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